The Nerves of Publishing Music

Lately, I have been very excited about the future of my music. I have been spending a ton of time writing, and a lot more time researching what I like, and don't like of what is already out there. As more schools are starting to discover my music, and more of my music gets performed I look forward to whatever the future might hold for my music.

But what I don't think people really understand is the amount of self-doubt that there is within this process. For each piece I have put out so far, I must have 50 saved files for pieces that didn't make it. Various reasons can be at play, but usually not believing in it myself is what caused me to close it out and move on to something else. I try to make sure that what I continue on writing, is something that I would want to play as a student, and not just fluff to put another title out.

I get especially nervous about original compositions. They are like a peek into my own mind, which is what makes it an extra vulnerable feeling to me.

But as I battle these inner feelings of imposter syndrome, I hope to find more director's that enjoy what I create. I hope to inspire students to LOVE music as much as I do, and as you probably do too. I hope that a student will one day use my music to dive into a rabbit hole of exciting music for concert ensembles, and maybe learn a bit about composing music too. But that will be one day in the future. For now, I hope to keep my ambitions high for the future and create something that I can be proud enough of to release to the public.

And if you are someone who finds themselves fitting one of the roles about, thank you.